On March 14th of this year, we said goodbye to our darling Taylor and just now, did I feel capable of
writing about him. Taylor had been in our lives for 5 1/2 years and we had had him since he was 8 weeks old. He and we had grown together. He has showed us the way while raising him. He was our first dog.
On December 24th, 2013 we noticed something was not right with Taylor, our Golden Retriever. He was listless, would not eat, did not want to drink. He seemed in a daze and disconnected. We hurried him to an Emergency Veterinary Clinic in Palo Alto. After a couple of hours of tests and treatments, we learned he had a 104 degree fever and we were sent home with him and some antibiotics. To make a long story short, during the next week we went back and forth to our vet, hoping it was just a virus and some dehydration but unfortunately, after several treatments we were referred to Sage Veterinary Hospital in Campbell, after more tests we were told it was not a virus but an aggressive form of cancer called Hemangiosarcoma. After he had surgery to remove the mass growing in his body, we kept our eyes in him because the prognostic was not good. He was given two month at most before the return of the disease and chemotherapy might only give him an extra month. In March we noticed a mass developing in his chest and made the quick decision of returning to Sage for the final goodbye moment.
Making the decision was easy when knowing there was no future but it's the aftermath we were not prepared to face. Everything in our home reminded us of Taylor. He had occupied such a large space in our lives. Now the house was empty without him. David and I were in constant pain and tears. We even went away for a weekend and had to hide when the pain bubbled to the surface and our eyes filled with tears. It was a rough time. Seeing other dogs, especially other Goldens was the worst. Another thing from the well meaning people around us were the sympathy cards. Gut wrenching words that had me burst into uncontrollable tears. I could not even show them to David after they arrived in the mail. I knew he could not face that kind of pain. A neighbour sent a card and included the following text:
JUST MY DOG
by Gene Hill
He's just my dog.
He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. He is the part of me that can reach out into the sea.
He has told me more than a thousand times over that I am his reason for being. By the way he rests against my leg. By the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile. By the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him.(I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me)
When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile. When I am happy, he is joy unbounded.
When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags.
Without him, I am only another person. With him, I am all powerful.
He has taught me the meaning of devotion. He is loyalty itself.
With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant.
His head on my knee can heal my human hurts. His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things.
He has promised to wait for me ..... whenever ..... wherever. In case I need him.
And I expect I will - as I always have.
He is my dog.
It took me three tries to read the complete text and even now, I write these words my throat constricts. Thank goodness, with time, (and a new love) things get easier. In my next blog, get ready to hear about my new love. Taylor would approve.